Wednesday, March 31, 2010
In the words of Ice Cube-Gotta Say it was a Good Day
Sorry for the analogy, but that is the first thing that popped in my head, and I cracked myself up a little. Today was a really good day. The weather was amazing for one thing. I think that helps everyone a little. After I picked up the girls from school, we came home and right away went outside. I really spent quality time with them. I mean really good quality time. We played on the swing set, played baseball, and visited with some friends outside. Lately, my oldest daughter plays outside all night with her friends. By the time she comes in, it is time to start getting ready for bed. My youngest one fell asleep early too so my oldest daughter and I had about an hour and a half alone together. When my anxiety is high and my thoughts are racing, sometimes it is easy to forget how important this time is for both of us. I did not worry about anything else except just sitting and holding her and doing whatever she wanted. It makes a huge difference in both of us. It used to be her and I all the time for four years. Now, she and I don't always spend a lot of alone time. Now after she is asleep, I am relaxing on the couch. I can honestly say for the first time in along time, I feel good about the person I am. I know I will have good days and bad days, but I am learning how to cope with every thought and feeling. I am learning to accept them for what they are and not try to fight them. That is a battle that cannot be won.
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Hi, Krista. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that you started a blog. I finally have had the time to go through all of it over the last week or so, and wow . . . how I see so much of myself in what you say. I pick up the house over and over and over, several times a day - even though I know that the same toys are going to be pulled out several more times. In fact, my daughters know exactly where things go and precisely how they are placed. My oldest makes sure of it, and even gets a bit stressed if it's not the right way. My middle, thank goodness for her, could not give a care less, but that stresses Mommy out. I cringe when my self declaring sufficient independent four year old insists on picking out her clothes. The lists . . . oh my. I have them. In fact, they must be written in black pen and when a task is completed, it gets crossed off of the list in red pen with either a straight line or a squiggly line - of course, not a mixture of the two in one day though. Perfectionist? Only because I strive to be - NOT because I am. Losing the JOY that should come with each and every new day - absolutely - unless I make a conscious decision not to. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so publicly. I knew that you dealt with anxiety in school, but as a teenager and not understanding life as I do know, I didn't realize how very serious anxiety can be. I will keep you in my prayers and continue to follow you on your journey - though I will probably be behind - my own blog hasn't been updated since the night before Ella was born. As soon as we got home with her, things were going really well, then we hit Riley for 2 weeks when she was 2 weeks old, then life got out of control for a few months. Now that life is somewhat in "control" (whatever that means), I still can't seem to find the time. Sooo very busy with these girls! Hopefully this summer, I can do like a "And One Year Later . . ." post. :) Before we reconnected on FB, I thought of you VERY OFTEN, and still do. I'm glad to have in a way "reconnected" with you.
ReplyDeleteKreesta~ So happy you had a good day! Plan on having several more next week:) LOVE YA!
ReplyDeleteLiz
Love the title of the post!
ReplyDelete