My background

I have suffered with anxiety, depression for years. The anxiety started when I was around 8 years old. I thought everyday that I had a brain tumor and was going to die at anytime. My mind was very active even back then. I became consumed with the thought that at any moment I could just stop breathing. My parents and family were very supportive and worried about me. They took me to the doctor and I was put on medication. This helped tremendously and I was able to function as a child should. When I was a teenager the anxiety came back strong and I was put on a stronger medication and had some counseling. I am now 29 years old and still on this same medication. Of course the dose has been increased and decreased quite often. I have two children and been through a divorce. My anxiety and depression has just gotten out of control. I have become this irritable, grumpy person who does not want to be talked to. I finally have had enough and I took an 8 week leave of absence from work and checked myself into a intensive outpatient therapy program at the St. Vincent Stress Center. I go three days a week for three hours. This is group therapy and I was totally against the group therapy at first mainly because I did not want to meet new people because it annoyed the shit out of me. Everyone and everything did. My mind was so full of my own obsessive and racing thoughts that I had no room for anything else. This group therapy has been the best thing I have ever been through. After meeting with my counselor and the psychiatrist, I also learned that I am a perfectionist. Never in a million years would I have considered myself anything that has to do with perfect. In my mind, I was a failure at anything I did. As I am attending this therapy, I have began finding a part of myself that has been lost in the depths and anxiety and depression for years. I began writing again. My mind felt so much more clear, and the thoughts were consistent and the writing just flowed. I am blogging about what I am learning through this process. Please feel free to ask any questions and leave any comments. As I have learned, we are not alone. And no one is perfect.